MMMM! POP TARTS!!! OH WAIT, UM OH, EWW!!!
Okay, so everyone has probably had a pop tart or two, at some point in their lives. There's, mmmmm chocolate, kinda mmmmm smore, and sorta mmmmm strawberry. There are also other flavours out there that maybe people like but I don't, so I'm not going to mention those ones. Anywho, so you may be wondering "Okay, where's he going with all this?" Well, let's just say I now know two more reasons why American's are considered overweight. This information was discovered with a little stroll through the U.S. Walmart. I noticed a new flavour and just about shit a brick cuz it's such an unnecessary flavour. Any guess?! Well if you guess anything but chocolate chip cookie dough, then you'd be wrong. But you didn't read wrong. I said cookie dough. Let's take the unhealthy goodness of a poptart and fill it with the equally lardfilled cookie dough. Oh, but the Amazing Discoveries didn't stop there. Oh no! Anyone care for a Strawberry Milkshake tart. Or better yet, Apple Strudel. I also like the A.D.H.D laced Frosted Caramel Chocolate. Frig, why don't they just make a friggen Frosted Powder Sugar and Maple Syrup Poptart. But yet there is more to my disbelieve, let me introduce you to Cookies and Creme Tart and Cinnamon Roll Poptart. One that was a little less of a shock and actually seemed liked the only redeeming new flavour was double berry, but still. And then I quickly went back into shock when I found French Toast, Frosted Chocolate Vanilla Cream, and Frosted Hot Fudge Sundae. Like did the people at Kellogg's go, "How can we give people the ability to eat a hot fudge sundea for breakfast?" Like WTF?! Anywho, that was just the flavors part of my poptarts discovery. The second part was a new type of Poptart. Now this might just be me, but I already thought Poptarts were quite portable and quick to make. I think it takes all of, um, 10 seconds to open a package and start eating a poptart cold. 2 minutes in a toaster if you want it warm. But Kellogg's introduced GoTarts, they're "Everything you love about PopTarts-now in bar form!" Now in Bar Form!! Now in Bar Form!! Oh sweet merciful crap my life is complete. I can now take my Poptarts where ever I want cuz they are in bar form! Like come on people, Poptarts are flat and come in packages of two, and can fit in a purse or backpack or can fit in some pockets. Anywho, check them out for yourself at your local American grocery store or here at the website Poptarts.com
Updated!!
Since writing about the pop tarts, I had received ideas of ice cream flavours, breakfast meals, nerd sprinkles, cookie dough pills and pork flavoured milk. I think we should make something that supplies all of these delicious thoughts. We'll call them the Hungry Man's Last Meal. It'll be like a TV Dinner. There will be the main meal of a large bar-like item. This item will look much like a burrito and it will be covered in one of three candies. Gotta have variety after all. The three candies will be M&M mini's (so they fit), Nerds, or Oreo cookie crumbs. As for what's inside the "burrito", again three choices. The first being, breakfast items; scrambled eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns and a breakfast sausage. All in layers, much like a sandwich of course. You then have you option of topping to pour on top. Maple syrup, hot fudge or cookie dough ice cream. The second meal is a lunch "burrito". Covered in either bacon bits, 4 melted cheeses, or dried pepper flakes. It will consist of grill cheese, the contents of a club sandwich and a cheese and pepperoni pizza, with a pickle on the side. This also gets it's choice of 3 topping/dressings; ceasar salad dressing, tobasco sauce or thousand island dressing. As for the dinner "burrito" it will be covered with brushetta bread fixings, garlic bread fixings or the works (sour cream, olives, chives and cheddar). It will consist of strips of steak, french fries, boneless riblets, taco seasoned beef and nacho chips. Again 3 sauces; KFC gravy, barbecue sauce, or a hot sauce/mayo/mustard concoction. Your 3 available drinks; Air's pork flavoured milk, a triple-thick cinnamon toast flavoured milkshake, or Swamp water (we won't even know what's mixed into that) And for dessert, your choice of cheesecake; double chocolate fudge Fudge-o explosion, Peanut butter Cup and Milk Dud overload or Junior Mint and Franken-Berry Wonderland. And each will come with a new Flintstones mulit-vitamin. There will be Chocolate Brownie Barney, Fluffenutter Fred, and Big Mac with fries Bam Bam. I think these will fly off the shelf. Who's hungry?!
And this part isn't to be funny but more for general awareness. I recently received an msn messager message from a friend and it said something along the lines of "is this you in this picture" followed by a link. And it looked like a legit link so I clicked on it. But it went to a site that started to have my computer download something executable program. But thanks to me owning a Mac it was avoided quite easily. But I know a lot of you don't so. Just a heads up and spread the word around about it.
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3 comments:
You forgot all about the Mint Chocolate Chip flavoured poptarts...mmmmmm (*shudder). I think while they were on the whole icecream-flavoured whimsy they forgot other classics like Rocky Road, Neapolitan and Tiger Tail. Their next move should be to join forces with icecream companies, maybe candy companies, such as Ben & Jerrys or Wonka to create more sugar-filled breakfast options....How about Cherry Garcia or Chubby Hubby (http://www.benjerry.com/our_products/flavorWorld.cfm)....or perhaps top off poptarts with Nerds - actually, that would probably sell very well.
Maybe they should just make them faster and easier by making them bite-sized - or did they already do that? And while we are at it, it takes too much energy to chew, so lets turn Poptarts into liquid form - Popshakes?
I'm currently working with the people at Kellogg's developing a bacon wrapped pop tart. It will come with a pouch of orange juice so it can be classified as a complete breakfast package. It has done well with initial test groups in Texas. The pop tart its self will be French toast flavored (with real maple syrup in the inside).
As for the msn messenger virus those have been out for over a year. I used to get warnings about those all the time when I work for dell. Whenever you get some just out of the blue asking you to check out a link, just ask them a weird question (not a yes or no answered question). If you don’t get a proper response back from them then don’t click on the link.
OK, no wonder that American kids are fat, put the cookie dough tart down and run your fat ass around the block twice. Seriously this is getting retarded, I freaked with invention of chocolate lucky charms and even that is a stretch because lucky charms is the single greatest cereal ever made ever! Maybe if we made cookie dough vitamin c snacks and pork flavoured milk these kids and parents would be more healthy. Well thats my two cents, i'm out like a fat kid playin dodgeball.
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