The cure for nightmares

DO THESE IMAGES HAUNT YOUR DREAMS?












IF YOU SAID YES TO ANY OR ALL OF THESE PICTURES THEN I HAVE THE CURE FOR YOU!!!!!

JUST LOOK AT THESE PICTURES!







THE LAST ONE IS FOR THE LADIES!!!
OH AND THE LAMEST BLOG EVER DONE GOES TO......THIS ONE.

I'm not dead

Okay Okay, so I am well aware that it's been 2 months since I last wrote a blog. So shoot me. But my life has been slightly busy and now it's finally slowing down a bit. So lets catch everyone up to date. I'll try to be fun and short so this isn't boring.

MOST OF NOVEMBER

That month was basically a write off. Working at Future Shop I quickly realized just how retarded the Soo is. Our doors officially opened on Nov 4. The Grand Opening was on the weekend of the 10th. New gaming consoles came out on the 17th and 19th. Then it was into Christmas mode. This is why the Soo is retarded. A) "OH MY GOD!!!! A NEW STORE!!!! WE MUST GO AND SEE WHAT'S INSIDE!!! OH WOW!!! TV'S!!!!" B) "OH MY GOD!!!! A GRAND OPENING SALE!!!! WE MUST GO STAND OUTSIDE HOURS BEFORE THEY OPEN AND SEE WHAT'S INSIDE!!! OH WOW!!! TV'S!!!!" C) "OH MY GOD!!!! NEW SYSTEM!!!! LET'S GO PAY SOMEONE $1500 TO TAKE HIS SPOT IN LINE.!!!! OH AND TALK TO THE OTHER PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN STANDING HERE FOR OVER 12 HOURS!! OH WOW!!! PS3'S/WII'S!!!!" D)"OH MY GOD!!!! PS3'S CAME OUT TODAY!!!! WE MUST GO AND SEE IF THEY HAVE ANY LEFT BUT IT'S THE END OF THE DAY!!! WHAT!!! YOU'RE SOLD OUT!!!! well.....when do you think you'll get more...sob sob" and finally E) "OH MY GOD!!!! A NEW STORE AND IT'S CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS!!!! WE MUST GO AND SEE WHAT'S INSIDE!!! OH WOW!!! TV'S!!!!

I think you get the idea. People come, day in and day out, and the same shit is there but they just don't care. Now that it's January that place is a ghost town. Hopefully it'll pick up again.

MOST OF DECEMBER

Well basically with work and the holiday hours I didn't really do much in December. Christmas was cool and rushed but it was nice to have both Xmas Eve and Day off. Boxing Day licked bawls cuz I had to be at work for 5am. cuz "OH MY GOD!!!! BOXING DAY SALE!!! LETS LINE UP HOURS BEFORE THE STORE OPENS TO GET DEALS ON THINGS I DON'T REALLY NEED!!! OH WOW!!! TV'S!!!!" That was pretty much the gist of December.

Oh and back at my Christmas Staff party I sure did win a PS3. It's all High Def. and I have just a standard tv. I still like the system cuz for one, I didn't have to pay over $700 dollars for it. I just wish I could actually view things the way they were intended.

Anyways. the next blog won't be far behind. I've got more to write about. Most of you probably read B's blog on new years. If you haven't go now, and you'll get a glimpse of just how sexy I can look.

The "You Really Suck When" Celebrity Edition

Now I know I've never done a "You Really Suck When" blog before but man there has just been too much crap happening to people that is just too funny not to inform people. So here we go.

FAITH "DEREK ZOOLANDER" HILL

Now I don't watch or listen to country music. I also didn't watch the Country Music Awards but Faith Hill had the best performance that night. Funny thing is, it wasn't because she sang or did a skit, it was because of her reaction after she lost Best Female (i think that's what it was, I wasn't paying attention) to Carrie Underwood. If you don't know who Carrie Underwood is, she won American Idol a couple of seasons ago. Basically, when the split screen of all the nominees is shown and the winner is announced, Faith throws her hands up and shouts "WHAT!" (she has no sound but you can read her lips). I orginally thought she threw her hands up and said "I WON!" but I was wrong. When you watch it you could understand why I thought that. Anywho, after all that, the camera pans to Carrie's portion of the screen. Now when she gets onto the stage, there's Ms. Hill. What she was planning on doing I have no idea. But here view it for yourself and look at a stupid woman doing something stupid.



BRITNEY'S ANNOUNCEMENT OF DIVORCING KEVIN FEDERLINE A LA TEXT MESSAGE AND CAUGHT ON TAPE.

Yes, I know, "Longest Heading Ever!" But that's besides the point. In case you haven't heard yet, Britney Spears got her redneck head out of her ass, and is filing for divorce to her douche bag husband Kevin Federline. You might be saying "Who's Kevin Federline?" Basically he hasn't done anything to be famous and he's a wannabe rapper that fathered her babies. His cd went no where dispite being seen everywhere and on everything, A couple of examples: CSI as a punk dirtbag who was a ringleader for a bunch of other dirtbag punk kids who beat up tourists. He gets a nice sucker punch to the stomach and goes to jail. That went well, two things that most people wish to have done him in real life. Another appearance was on WWE wrestling. I don't really understand what he was doing on this but at some point he makes it to the ring and, while being boo'd, asks the audience if they want to hear him rap. This leads to more booing. He starts to sing anyway, only to be interupted by the champion John Cena (who is also a wannabe rapper). John tells him that he sucks and continues to knock him down a few notches only to finish him off with his finishing move. Anywho. I'm really off topic but I just wanted to give you an idea of how this guy licks balls. Back to why we're here. In the video below, Kevin Federline just so happens to be at MuchMusic doing some more promo crap and it's at this time he receives some upsetting news via text message. Man that's harsh. Enjoy!!

So You Think You Can Dance - Sault Ste. Marie Auditions

Well, Ky was going to make a post out of this, but i'm going to beat him to it, because it really needs to be posted. Thursday night a few groups of people were going to the Canadian. Kyle and I were pretty iffy because Ky had just worked 12 hours and it was a friggen snow storm outside, but we decided to go - which was one of the best decisions we've made in a long time. Upon our arrival someone neglected to tell us that there were apparently auditions for So You Think You Can Dance. Now for those of you who have ever watched the auditions portions of SYTYCD or American Idol, there are some people who are very talented and amazing.... you also know damn well that there are far too many people on this planet who think they are good at their "talent", but the truth is far from their little delusion.
Our first dancer of the evening we deemed as the "Loner" or "Lone-Dancer" (i know, we are pretty original). There she is out on the dancefloor all by herself, dancing in a not-so-hot fashion, but she almost had rhythm - note i said almost. Mind you, she was very unoriginal as there is always a lone dancer at some point in the evening.
Our next contestant was this 12 year old-looking kid. To paint you a picture, he looked reminiscent of a 5 foot 4 Macaulay Culkin (in his younger years), wearing a white button-up dress shirt, with the collar flipped up - which i think was mandatory. His dancing style? Well, if you mixed John Travolta Saturday Night Fever, Napoleon Dynamite doing his "skit" for Pedro's election speech, and Richard Simmons, you basically got this guy. His awkward movements mixed with his boyish charm seemed to attract much attention from some unfortunate ladies.
Sooner than we expected the "Loner" returned for a duet - her new partner? "Spazzy McGee". Was my particular favourite of the evening, simply because her style of dance was so intricate and complex that i (as a dancer) couldnt fathom how she could be dancing in this manner and still be standing. We came to the conclusion that she was on some drug - speed was our preference - because any normal person could not possibly make these movements AND not get tired. Basically she often looked as though her entire body was going into a dry heave mixed with a bad case of Touret's syndrome. I'm surprised she neither injured herself nor anyone else that evening. She also attempted to do "sexy" moves, such as a snake-like-swim thing, and a really sweet double-hip-rub which Amit pointed out to us.
We also came upon the white-boy brigade, which our Macaulay Culkin look-alike seemed to belonged too. The group was compiled of the whitest of white boys who are the reason white dancers have such a bad name. The "leader" was some tall drink of water who wore his really hot Chips inspired sunglasses all evening. From the White-boy Brigade the only real move they had was the Whitey-shuffle (if you do not know what the whitey shuffle is, please attend a wedding with Kyle and his dad and hopefully his brother - as they will all do some form of a whitey-shuffle through the course of the evening).
Our last contestant - "Green Jacket". Now "Green Jacket" seemed to LOVE the floor - he never sat on it, or laid down on it (which was a good thing) but he seemed to like to give it a high-five alot. His love affair with the floor seemed to have him torn as to dance standing or dance squatting, so he seemed to be caught in some sort of dance-plane limbo. Many other dance-hopefuls gathered on the dancefloor, but these few stood out among the crowd.
Some other almost memorables include: Vanilla Muffin-Top (with Bulls-eye), some guy who REALLY liked to take his shirt off, an older lady in a really bad red dress, and a K-Fed knock-off. So as it seemed the horrible weather drew out most of the worst dancer the Soo has to offer. Their shame became our fun (which i suppose is kinda mean and twisted on our behalf)...But cheers to you dancers for making Thursday one of the most amusing nights i've had in a long time... This concludes the Soo's auditions for So You Think You Can Dance. Thank you, and goodnight!

It's Halloween Bitches!!

SATURDAY NIGHT WAS SENIORS NIGHT AT THE BACK DOOR!

Okay does anyone remember this picture?

If you do, cool! If you don't, then I have to tell you that that was me. I helped out a co-worker when I was living in Mississauga. She was taking a film makeup course. This was her finally project. Awesome eh?! Anywho. She had an extra mask left over, so she gave me it. So this Halloween I wanted to go as the old man, but I couldn't get the makeup anywhere near the same magnitude that she did. Mind you I didn't put a lot of time into it cuz, well, I didn't have much time to put into it. Anywho. So I get there and the big guy at the door, almost didn't let me in. He gave me the whole 20 questions thing. Eventually he let me in. Right off the bat, lots of pictures and compliments. But one guy threw me for a loop cuz he thought i was Donald Trump. Now when you look at the picture I look nothing like Trump. Anywho, the mask lasted about 2 hours, I was too sweat and the glue started to let go. So I took it off. I wish it would've last a little longer cuz I think I could've placed quite high in the best costume contest. Well here's the only pic I have right now. I'll add more as I get them.

Just a quick one for Chuck Norris fact fans.

This is my first time adding a video to my blog so hopefully it works. There isn't much to this blog other than this video. And this video is for anyone who loves all those fact about chuck norris. So without further adieu...

UFC 64: the sport of blood and broken noses!

CARNAGE! PAIN! BLOOD! BROKEN BONES!!! I LOVE THIS SPORT!!!

Back on October 14th, 2006, UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) aired a pay-per-view. Normally, we don't get these, but I'm glad we did for this one. It had all the stuff I wanted to see. First lets discuss the blood portion of the event. On this night there was two championship fights; the Lightweight title and the Middleweight title. The Lightweight match was, like all title fights, 5 rounds. Let's just say, I wish I won't every be involved in anything like this fight. The fighters were Sean Sherk and Ken Florian. Sean is more of a wrestler like fighter, whereas Ken is Brazilian Ju Jitsu. This is really too relavent I'm just trying to paint a picture. Anywho, shortly into the second round, Ken was on the bottom of a mount and was able to place an elbow strike into Sean's forehead. Now Ken is known to have "razor sharp" elbow strikes. Well, with the little room he had to make an effective blow, that statement is vaild. For it split Sean's head wide open. Now, i've seen blood in the UFC Octagon (their ring), but this was just pouring like a kitchen tap. Remember how I said this was a five round fight? Well, let's just say he bled profusely for the rest of this match. Sean ended up winning and became the new champ. Now just so your aware all that you read above was actually pointless filler, cuz all I really wanted was to have a legitiment reason to post these pictures. Oh and take a look at how bloody the ring is and then picture that on the entire thing.





Now onto the broken bones portion. K, well, it's not really a bone as it is a nose (which is mostly cartiledge). Anywho. In the Middleweight title match. Current champ Rich Franklin was facing newcomer Anderson Silva. Now not much was known of Silva but he previously made short work of another fighter who is extremely hard to knock out, which he did. Let's just make this short and sweet, much like the fight itself. In less than a 5 minute round, Rich was just overwhelmed with knees to the ribs, kidneys and especially face. He quickly and sadly lost his match, making it his first loss in the UFC. But that wasn't the only negative to come to him from this fight. As you may see where I'm going with this, he received a broken nose. But this wasn't any broken nose, this thing made his face look like a Picasso painting (sorry Ry); it looked like the letter C; if you took Anderson Silva's knee and lined it up with his nose, it would be a perfect match. Anywho, once again I just wanted a reason to post these pics. There is a before the match pic, some action pics and then the final result. Poor bastard! Anywho, enjoy!

Pop Tarts & Virus Warning. Updated

MMMM! POP TARTS!!! OH WAIT, UM OH, EWW!!!

Okay, so everyone has probably had a pop tart or two, at some point in their lives. There's, mmmmm chocolate, kinda mmmmm smore, and sorta mmmmm strawberry. There are also other flavours out there that maybe people like but I don't, so I'm not going to mention those ones. Anywho, so you may be wondering "Okay, where's he going with all this?" Well, let's just say I now know two more reasons why American's are considered overweight. This information was discovered with a little stroll through the U.S. Walmart. I noticed a new flavour and just about shit a brick cuz it's such an unnecessary flavour. Any guess?! Well if you guess anything but chocolate chip cookie dough, then you'd be wrong. But you didn't read wrong. I said cookie dough. Let's take the unhealthy goodness of a poptart and fill it with the equally lardfilled cookie dough. Oh, but the Amazing Discoveries didn't stop there. Oh no! Anyone care for a Strawberry Milkshake tart. Or better yet, Apple Strudel. I also like the A.D.H.D laced Frosted Caramel Chocolate. Frig, why don't they just make a friggen Frosted Powder Sugar and Maple Syrup Poptart. But yet there is more to my disbelieve, let me introduce you to Cookies and Creme Tart and Cinnamon Roll Poptart. One that was a little less of a shock and actually seemed liked the only redeeming new flavour was double berry, but still. And then I quickly went back into shock when I found French Toast, Frosted Chocolate Vanilla Cream, and Frosted Hot Fudge Sundae. Like did the people at Kellogg's go, "How can we give people the ability to eat a hot fudge sundea for breakfast?" Like WTF?! Anywho, that was just the flavors part of my poptarts discovery. The second part was a new type of Poptart. Now this might just be me, but I already thought Poptarts were quite portable and quick to make. I think it takes all of, um, 10 seconds to open a package and start eating a poptart cold. 2 minutes in a toaster if you want it warm. But Kellogg's introduced GoTarts, they're "Everything you love about PopTarts-now in bar form!" Now in Bar Form!! Now in Bar Form!! Oh sweet merciful crap my life is complete. I can now take my Poptarts where ever I want cuz they are in bar form! Like come on people, Poptarts are flat and come in packages of two, and can fit in a purse or backpack or can fit in some pockets. Anywho, check them out for yourself at your local American grocery store or here at the website Poptarts.com


Updated!!
Since writing about the pop tarts, I had received ideas of ice cream flavours, breakfast meals, nerd sprinkles, cookie dough pills and pork flavoured milk. I think we should make something that supplies all of these delicious thoughts. We'll call them the Hungry Man's Last Meal. It'll be like a TV Dinner. There will be the main meal of a large bar-like item. This item will look much like a burrito and it will be covered in one of three candies. Gotta have variety after all. The three candies will be M&M mini's (so they fit), Nerds, or Oreo cookie crumbs. As for what's inside the "burrito", again three choices. The first being, breakfast items; scrambled eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns and a breakfast sausage. All in layers, much like a sandwich of course. You then have you option of topping to pour on top. Maple syrup, hot fudge or cookie dough ice cream. The second meal is a lunch "burrito". Covered in either bacon bits, 4 melted cheeses, or dried pepper flakes. It will consist of grill cheese, the contents of a club sandwich and a cheese and pepperoni pizza, with a pickle on the side. This also gets it's choice of 3 topping/dressings; ceasar salad dressing, tobasco sauce or thousand island dressing. As for the dinner "burrito" it will be covered with brushetta bread fixings, garlic bread fixings or the works (sour cream, olives, chives and cheddar). It will consist of strips of steak, french fries, boneless riblets, taco seasoned beef and nacho chips. Again 3 sauces; KFC gravy, barbecue sauce, or a hot sauce/mayo/mustard concoction. Your 3 available drinks; Air's pork flavoured milk, a triple-thick cinnamon toast flavoured milkshake, or Swamp water (we won't even know what's mixed into that) And for dessert, your choice of cheesecake; double chocolate fudge Fudge-o explosion, Peanut butter Cup and Milk Dud overload or Junior Mint and Franken-Berry Wonderland. And each will come with a new Flintstones mulit-vitamin. There will be Chocolate Brownie Barney, Fluffenutter Fred, and Big Mac with fries Bam Bam. I think these will fly off the shelf. Who's hungry?!


And this part isn't to be funny but more for general awareness. I recently received an msn messager message from a friend and it said something along the lines of "is this you in this picture" followed by a link. And it looked like a legit link so I clicked on it. But it went to a site that started to have my computer download something executable program. But thanks to me owning a Mac it was avoided quite easily. But I know a lot of you don't so. Just a heads up and spread the word around about it.